Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
and you fell through a lawn chair
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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