her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
