i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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