Say something about gay babies.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
