no, he came in my armpit
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
