okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
