i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
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We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
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I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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