mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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