if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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