In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
