It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
