i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
God, I missed his penis.
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