do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
im six kinds of drunk right now
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
