I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
