that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize