I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
