i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
