no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
