I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
