I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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