Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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