i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Naked Twister starts at high noon
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
