so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!