In the future we'll all be gay
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
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We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
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The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.