If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
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There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
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Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?