please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.