Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
