Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry

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  (734): He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry http://tfl.nu/nl2p
  Replies (23) Good night (1602) Bad night (7366)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.

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  (540): I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans. http://tfl.nu/xkea
  Replies (73) Good night (2391) Bad night (5477)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell

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  (270): I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell http://tfl.nu/jfse
  Replies (17) Good night (5988) Bad night (1139)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you

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  (541): you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you http://tfl.nu/5gma
  Replies (9) Good night (4899) Bad night (990)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.

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  (401): i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house. http://tfl.nu/foqe
  Replies (7) Good night (1368) Bad night (1673)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.

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  (814): Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry. http://tfl.nu/q7zn
  Replies (9) Good night (3139) Bad night (1006)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.

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  (734): The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use. http://tfl.nu/kozs
  Replies (7) Good night (1302) Bad night (650)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation

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  (931): I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation http://tfl.nu/adcz
  Replies (7) Good night (2163) Bad night (654)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry

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  (919): That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry http://tfl.nu/76an
  Replies (2) Good night (945) Bad night (401)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.

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  (316): She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone. http://tfl.nu/tcs7
  Replies (13) Good night (806) Bad night (2066)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match

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  (303): I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match http://tfl.nu/tsdg
  Replies (1) Good night (679) Bad night (332)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.

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  (865): I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science. http://tfl.nu/16xh
  Replies (5) Good night (1341) Bad night (423)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework

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  (661): my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework http://tfl.nu/653l
  Replies (2) Good night (630) Bad night (454)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?

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  (248): Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid? http://tfl.nu/bnow
  Replies (0) Good night (599) Bad night (494)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Didn't you used to babysit him?

  (607): View more from New York

  18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.

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  (603): Didn't you used to babysit him? (607): 18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine. http://tfl.nu/bfck
  Replies (8) Good night (1678) Bad night (490)

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