We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
