dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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