Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
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Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
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Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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