dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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