How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize