I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
