I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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