I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize