i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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