Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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