she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
