This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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