You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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