Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
