mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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