I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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