So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
