I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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