I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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