genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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