lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
