im about as happy as oj after his trial
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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