hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
