Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
