Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
