Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
