the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
