So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
