Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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