i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
