My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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