i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
