I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
