she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
