Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
