I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Randomize
