Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We have so much sex to catch up on
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
