her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
