I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
