I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
