I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
