i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
