he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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