On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
